


Spies

by Oceanonmars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Male Character, Delusions, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Oblivious Ushijima Wakatoshi, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Schizophrenia, Short, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, Tendou hallucinates, Ushijima knows how to keep tendou sane, Ushiten Week, Ushiwaka protects Tendou, anti-social Ushijima, tendou satori is schizophrenic, the ring - Freeform, trust me it’s a cute one, ushiten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oceanonmars/pseuds/Oceanonmars
Summary: “You can’t see them can you? You can’t hear them either? They are so scary Waka.” A dark laugh made him tighten his hold around Satori. As if he wanted to squeeze the dark out of him. It would’ve been such an inconvenience to want to remove something by squeezing it out of someone.
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

When Ushijima crossed the path of doubt he was almost certain that he needed to help the redhead in a way. He would start panicking internally whenever Tendo dazed off somewhere else in the middle of the court. The times when they talked at lunch time he would tremble gazing out the window and when Ushijima shook his shoulders he would jump and stare off into his eyes with terrified and widened eyes. Other times in the middle of practice Tendo would sit on the floor and stare off into the ceiling while holding his head between his hands. 

Ushijima promised to himself that he was going to stop the ridiculous thoughts and move on. A couple of times he would hold out a hand for the redhead or tried to talk to him but he just avoided him. It was ridiculous because Tendo never avoided him, if anything, he was the only one to talk to Ushijima so openly without making him feel alone. It all changed in a matter of weeks when the small behaviors turned the connection between the two colder and colder. 

For Tendo everything went back to the days of loneliness and being left out. He would usually think of the days all the people around him were weirded out with his looks or personality. And as for Ushijima, he stopped talking to anyone, not like anyone did talk him at all, and with Tendo’s absence at practice he slowly stopped talking to everyone else.

He tried his best to gaze off somewhere and calm his mind but it never worked. Tendo occupied his mind, the weird redhead who brought life to Ushijima’s, felt lifeless around him. It was proved by the time Tendo called out to Ushijima in the middle of the game entering the court after days of absence. It made his heart flutter out of his chest when he saw the redhead again. But then he noticed the unhealthy differences in his features. His eyes were bulged and he had the darkest eye bags surrounding them. His pupils were blown wide making his eyes look black. It was the most heartbreaking scene Ushijima had ever seen as he walked towards his friend. 

He stopped there in front of him waiting for the first words. He never talked first and to his surprise Tendo did take so long to talk finally. His voice sounded tired but full of worry. Like he wasn’t the one talking at all, like he was being controlled by a larger mind somewhere inside him outweighing his own. And so it happened. 

“I am quitting volleyball Wakatoshi-kun.” 

The words didn’t seem to sit well with Ushijima, it rang in his ears as his brain tried to process the thought, he stood there with his eyes slightly wide. He wasn’t really the type to ask questions so he just gave the redhead a trembling nod. Hesitatingly Tendo turned and walked away after giving the place and Ushijima one last glance. From that day on he didn’t hear a word from him.

Anticipation was building inside him as to when he was finally going to see Tendo again, maybe ask him if he wanted to play for the nationals one last time. Or maybe ask him why he was suddenly quitting. But the day never came until summer. 

________ • _________

Tendo sat in the middle of the hospital hall. *Waiting room* wasn’t really a waiting room. Just a hall that was once crowded with people. He sat there for hours until his mom came out of the doctors office. She handed him a paper, a file of his own supposed mental illness. There wrote: 

Schizophrenia 

He tried to persuade his mother the whole time on the way to hospital. He believed he wasn’t sick, he just wasn’t in the right mind set and couldn’t sleep at nights.  
She never listened. He started out slow actually, too slow, the symptoms unnoticeable as he lived through his days, almost in two weeks after quitting volleyball he started hallucinating and supposedly seeing *the spy* following him all around. When his mom asked what the matter was, he would reply: 

“They are following, they want to take me away, we should go home.” 

That happened in the middle of a crowded hospital hall after she tricked Tendo into thinking they were going to the doctor for herself, which she was just purchasing the prescribed medication for him. He trembled with fear pulling at her sleeve trying to get her attention. She tried to reassure her son. It made her worry even more. The pills weren’t helping. If they even had any effect it was probably the unreasonable smiles and the long hour of naps. Gradually passing from the time Tendo insisted on quitting volleyball he was going worse and worse. His abnormality was paying off while he was in the team, as the “guess monster” he definitely scored on the team. But it slowly turned into something worrying and toxic for his mental health. The worse was the only one he was hurting was himself. 

As though slowly, he came to terms with the idea that his mother thought he was schizophrenic, or so in his head, he would always think twice about it. He started to go through the hospital therapy alone, as his mother told him, he talked to the kind looking therapist about his nightmares and supposed hallucinations and thoughts. The second time he went alone he did not expect to see someone he hadn’t seen in weeks. 

_______________

“Wakatoshi-kun?” 

The redhead turned his head in a weird angle as he looked at Ushijima. The hospital wasn’t exactly the place he imagined he would see Satori. The expressionless brunette slowly let his eyes widen as he walked towards Tendo with the slightest glimpse of light in his eyes. The redhead was paler than before. His eyes looked sad and tired as if they were searching for something around himself for too long. He placed his fathers medication in his backpack and walked towards him. 

“It has been so long, didn’t get the chance to see you since you quit.” 

Tendo let the corners of his mouth slightly curl upwards as he smiled looking into the hazel eyes. He nodded and  
Held out his hand for a handshake. 

“Looks like you gained enough courage to talk first Wakatoshi-kun.” 

He couldn’t help a small smirk as it made it’s way to his face. He pointed out towards the door as they both walked out together outside of the hospital. Tendo asked about the teammates and practice before asking about Ushijima himself. They spent a few moments talking and catching up on everything until it was time for them to separate their ways. 

“Satori-kun, would you mind if we exchanged numbers?”

Without a single thought Tendo typed his number in Ushijima’s phone. Which later on he added a contact picture with a picture of Tendo he had in his phone.  
He wondered why he was in the hospital. Probably grabbing medication for his mother just like he did for his dad right? There was no other thought exchanged about volleyball in his head that night when he got home. He kept making up scenarios in his head as to why Tendo was in the hospital in the first place. 

He expected to see Tendo again. As soon as he could. Though his number sat there in his phone without a single activity. He tried to text him but couldn’t come up a word to say. So he just waited for the right time. An excuse, something to happen to be logical enough to talk about. Nothing came. So he tried to get it off his mind with volleyball. The blocks were usually entrusted to Tendo but when he left, their team was left almost defenseless. And as cold as everyone on the team knew Ushijima to be, they knew well enough. He couldn’t fill Tendo’s place since he also wasn’t really at his best with the absence of their best middle-blocker. 

________________

By the smallest amount of time being passed. Tendou spent hours in his bedroom trying to make out sounds around him. He would stay awake not knowing what it was in the back of his mind asking him things. It made him anxious all over as he felt like he was being watched. He would shut the windows and pull the curtains with fear and hide under his blankets despite the hot weather. He would claim he was afraid of getting caught. His mom was trying hard to make him feel safe. Trying to sneak the medication into his food but Tendo ended up not eating at all. He was losing a lot of weight in an unhealthy way and by the end of the year he was slowly draining away from lack of sleep.  
He had nightmares of the bedsheets swallowing him down into the darkness underneath and anonymous figures following him through the woods. He would wake up sweating and choking. He would start crying about the shadows around him. The trembling never stopped until morning. 

When his therapist asked what kept him up all night he would simply reply: 

“Shadows.” 

________________

The next meeting wasn’t really all that pleasant for Ushijima. He sweared he saw the redheads eyes drift away from his before running out of the supermarket door with the most obvious panic in his eyes. The wind was making his hair fall back as he ran from behind the glass wall of the supermarket. Ushijima stood there for a moment before recovering what it was that had just happened. Satori avoided him. Completely. As if he didn’t know him. Or he did something wrong. It made Ushijima overthink his actions. Was it because he didn’t text him? Or the look he gave him? 

Tendou went home that day and opened his journal, ever since the first week of their practice after their break he hadn’t written in it. He was used to the colors. He would draw a lot in brown and red. There were segments about how much he loved chocolate ice cream.

Without a single thought he tore it. With the swiftest movement he threw the pages in the trashcan next to his work-desk. He didn’t have anything interesting to write in it anymore. It was a child’s play, he believed. Later on he put on a movie and lied on the couch under the blankets waiting for his mom to come home.

The light of the Tv was lightning up a side of his sleepy face as the other was buried in the pillows. The ring. It was his favorite movie. He loved the horror genre so much that people would mock him about it. The girl creature with the long black hair would send chills down his spine and he loved the feeling. He would usually picture her around the corners of his room. Just to freak himself out. Something he was good at. He would usually sit there and think about the plot of the story. 

And so very often he would believe subliminal messages were being received to him... 

Ushijima knew he didn’t do anything wrong. Satori was always the one who approached him. His loud excited voice catching him off guard at times. The most beautiful sound that he got used to hearing every day at practice. 

So he decided to text him. Ask him to hang out. He desperately wanted to know why the redhead had quit volleyball like that, leaving Shiratorizawa’s court helpless and defenseless. He went on ahead asking him if he was up to go to a cafe and talk and catch up. Surprisingly the answer was just a short and simple: 

<*Sure* >  
21:46 

______________

Step 

Step 

Step 

Step 

Step 

“Satori-kun.” 

Ushijima nodded his head towards him when he got closer. He gave him a warm smile and looked around him for a moment and locked eyes with the brunette.  
They both walked towards the cafe of their interest as they talked. Tendo was a lot more quiet then usual. Talked when he was asked. He seemed uninterested. And that’s what made Wakatoshi feel awkward and almost afraid. All these years Satori was the one keeping their connection warm and friendly and with the absence of that heat he was afraid to lose touch of it.  
They both sat behind the glass wall of the cafe where the sun shone on the plants next to their feet on a table with two seats facing each other. 

“Say Wakatoshi-kun have you watched The Ring?” 

Ushijima simply shook his head at that and asked if he should. He definitely wanted to check out whatever Tendo was interested in lately. He was interested in it. Interested to know what was going on with him. 

The most beautiful scene was there in front of him at that moment. The sun was shining brighter than ever making Tendou’s red hair look like wings of a phoenix in flames. His eyes brighter as he looked around the cafe and every single person that entered. Breaking the silence, the brunette stated the first thing on his mind to keep the conversation going. 

“What about The Ring, what do you like about it?” 

At that , Tendo directed his gaze back to him. He smiled. A simple smile that hid nothing. Nothing Ushijima knew of. He slowly put the cup of coffee down keeping the palm of his hands cupped around the warmth of it. It took him a moment as his eyes drifted off towards the right and then up to locate Ushijima’s own. 

“It sends chills down my spine, I used to like it a lot more, come to think of it, I feel very pressured to sit through it nowadays , I am sure the government has put subliminal messages in that movie, messed with it, paid the director money, it’s controlling my mind now , night and day Wakatoshi-kun.” 

His eyes were genuine. As if he saw that happen on a daily basis. It made Ushijima’s heart drop for a moment. The sight before him was relentless. Tendo was staring at him with eyes that were showing so much concern. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment and then he brought his cup up back to his lips. The eye contact was getting too intense for him. So he looked away. 

“I taste flowers, is this coffee made out of lavender? Have you tried this on the menu?” 

Raising his eyes he took the offering cup from Tendo’s hands and took a sip. It was just plain coffee. No flower taste, no lavender. He wondered if it was the smell of the flowers mixing with taste in the redheads mouth. But there were absolute no lavenders around them. He stood for a moment making his way back towards the counted ordering himself a bottle of water.  
When he walked back he saw Satori looking so interestedly towards the trees. There was nothing there. Just trees, which made him wonder if Satori loved trees.  
When he sat down he got his attention back. When the red pearls located him he opened his mouth saying something faint under his breath. Then he stated it louder for Wakatoshi to hear. 

“Let’s get chocolate Ice cream on the way back, the smell keeps haunting me, not to mention the little boy who just walked past licking one, what do you think Miracle boy wouldn’t it just be so tasty?” 

There was absolutely no little boy walking by with chocolate ice cream for the past 5 minutes or so. Ushijima was sure. He had his eyes fixed on the window acknowledging the people walking by. Or if Satori just saw him on the other side of the street. There was absolutely no mistaking. 

He let it pass as he nodded,a slight smile making it’s way onto his face as he sipped the last bit of coffee remaining at the bottom of his cup.

_______ _______

Tendo could smell it, even though there was no proof of chocolate Ice cream shop existing around them yet, he could smell it in the air around him. Almost as if Wakatoshi’s perfume was made to smell like it.

They both made their way out of the cafè and decided on finding an ice cream truck. Tendo was confused as he looked around him when they walked. He looked startled, his shoulders would shake at times and the way he analyzed the people around him was weird to Ushijima. He tried to get him back to reality by touching his shoulder. Tendo jumped at that but then smiled looking back at him. 

His shoulders were dropped and his head was low when he ate his ice cream later on. It was Tendo’s favorite flavor, chocolate, he used to start making songs or he would hum tunes when he ate it but the silence was surprisingly enough for Ushijima to finally ask. 

“Satori-kun, Why did you quit volleyball?” 

It made the red pearls widen and look back at him with terror. He gradually started looking around at the floor to find something to say. A drop of melted Ice cream colored his knuckles that made him look back at the brunette. So Ushijima quickly fished a napkin from the back pocket of his jeans.He cleaned the ice cream making his skin still feel a bit sticky. He threw the napkin away and chuckled. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The brunette simply shook his head at that. Why did he say sorry.He definitely forgot all about the question now. The redhead started walking towards the park behind the ice cream truck and Ushijima followed after.  
They sat on a green bench. The shadows of the trees that were bent above the bench were making a pretty decent place to sit and cool down. Only a millimeter away from Tendo. Ushijima could feel the body heat. He could feel the anxiety forming in his chest. It wasn’t the usual comfort and friendliness he used to feel. It was almost making his breath hitch. It was different enough to get him to notice. 

“Wakatoshi-kun, aren’t the trees just so fresh and beautiful?” 

He stated. His eyes dazed off to nowhere in front of him. His face shaded from the sun by the shadow but there was a light in his eyes. Slowly the redhead let his head fall on the shoulder next to him. His heart was beating out of his chest when the warmth on his shoulder appeared. And next thing he knew Tendou was shaking. Cold? Crying? Laughing? He could never figure him out. 

“Tendou?” 

The redhead smiled at the mention of his name even though his eyes were filled with tears. Ushijima couldn’t see his face. He could feel shivers going down his spine when a hand slowly came up behind him and cupped his shoulder in a comforting way. 

“Does this have to do anything with you quitting volleyball?” 

He felt a nod in his chest. Tears were staining his blue shirt. The most familiar feeling to have the redhead communicating with him again. It made his stomach fill with excitement but then again his heart was breaking at the crying sight of him on his shoulder. His hand laid there cupping Tendo’s shoulder. 

It was warm and comforting for him, all the thoughts faded away in the back of his head. It seemed like a whole month of lack of sleep was giving it’s place to drowsiness making him want to fall asleep right there. 

Ushijima didn’t exactly know what else to do, he gently drew out his phone and earphones out of his backpack and untangled the wires putting one of the buds in Satori’s ear and the other in his own. What he most listened to was a little lo-fi playlist he made in his phone the first time he bought it. Chill music always made him concentrate and he could do anything while listening to it. Tendo was tapping his foot with the beat with his head still on the brunettes shoulder. The environment they were in was rather chill. The sun wasn’t directly above the city now and it was a lot cooler. The breeze was nice slowly blowing from behind making the hairs on Ushijima’s neck stand up. 

“That’s a pretty good taste in music.” 

He smiled and nodded. Tendo was pretty sure no one else in the team had seen him smile. Let’s say it was a rare sight and Tendo was pretty happy to get to see it.  
The day was spent in the most beautiful way possible.  
Ushijima had missed the talks. Later on it was late enough for the both of them to separate their ways. 

When Tendo got back home he skipped dinner. Still savoring the taste of the chocolate flavored ice cream on his tongue. He played The Ring once again in his room and focused his eyes on the screen. The moonlight was shining through the silk curtains making his room bathe in the blue light. The whole house was filled with the sound of his movie. His eyes were glued to the screen and his ears were sharpened listening to every existing and non-existing voice around him and in the movie. By the end of the movie, the droplets of water made noise on his window making him notice the rain outside. That night he fell asleep counting them. 

_______ ________

Ushijima didn’t know what to do in Shiratorizawa now with their best blocker gone. He only had one thought in his mind. Call Tendo back for the nationals. 

It wasn’t thoughtful. And the most important of all the other reasons that it wasn’t thoughtful was because he didn’t know why Tendo quit in the first place. He could call him and ask again. He had forgotten already that Satori didn’t answer him last time. It made him even more curious because he was already pretty sure something was changing in his life. He wasn’t his usual self the day they went to a cafe. He was quiet and that’s an adjective far from compatible for Tendou. 

What Ushijima did was to text him once again, asking for an urgent meet up. Typically the redhead would text back in seconds. But now he had to wait a whole day. Let’s say it was almost 7 hours after that the ringtone of his text message went off on his phone.

Ushijima was outside when it happened. He was walking down the street that were lightened up by the street lamps and shops. He fished his phone out of his pocket in an instant. He decided to sit on a bench by a park and read the text. Since his legs were also hurting from the volleyball practice earlier. When his eyes found the notification on his phone they widened. His breath hitched for a moment. Tendou had simply said: 

> come over  
> 20:16 

> now?  
> 20:17

It took a moment. Almost 5 minutes when Tendo texted back with a yes as an answer and an address. Ushijima felt his chest tighten at that. He blinked once again to make sure he had seen correctly. He was going over Tendo’s house to ask him back for the nationals. No, to convince him to come back. He got up from the bench in that instant and started taking wide steps with one hand on his back and the other in his pocket on his phone. He walked towards the cabs parked in corner of the street and showed the address to one of the drivers.  
And with that he sat in the backseat and looked out of the window until he got there. 

_____ _____

For some reason his heart was beating out of his chest as he nervously bit on his bottom lip. He stood there on the front door porch overthinking his upcoming actions and conversations. With another thought occupying his mind he gently knocked on the door. For a solid 20 seconds no one answered so he knocked twice once again and this time, A voice asked who it was from behind the door. It was Tendo. So Ushijima answered with a rather quiet voice and then the door was opened for him to face a terrified looking redhead staring back at him.

Tendou’s hands were shaking. He hugged himself and gently pulled back from the door leaning back on the wall behind him and slid down to sitting on the ground. His head was ringing making his eyes were tightly squeezed shut.  
He saw Ushijima in the doorway with a complicated look on his face as he entered and walked towards his own trembling figure. 

“They are everywhere, they follow me everywhere, how should I stop them?” 

The redhead cried. Wakatoshi’s eyes widened as a shiver went down his spine, he hurried to help the sobbing boy on his feet. All the blinds were shut and the room was covered in darkness. Both of them walked over towards the couch, the Tv was on and The Ring was playing aimlessly. 

Tendou slumped down on the couch and pulled his legs into his stomach hugging them. As if he was afraid of something and wanted to hideaway. 

Ushijima didn’t really think possibilities of what he would encounter when Tendou said come over. But seeing this now made his heart drop and his eyes widen at the sight. A hand gently wrapped itself around the crying boy in an attempt to comfort him as it drew circular motions through the cloth of his shirt. 

“Wakatoshi-kun , they are everywhere , they follow me everywhere , they listen to everything I say through the paper thin walls!” 

The hand on his back stilled as Ushijima asked.

“Who?” 

He shook his head as in disbelief then stuttered the next words coming out of his mouth. 

“I-i don’t- k-know they’re just sh-shadows.” 

_____________

That’s when it hit the brunette, mental illness? Could it be? If that was the reason for him quitting then there was no way he could just casually ask him back. So he just stayed put where he was with his arm around the redhead. 

“It’s alright I am here now shadows won’t hurt you okay?” 

Tendou nodded into his knees sniffing. Then he felt a cold object against his ear then he heard the music coming from it. Ushijima’s Lo-fi playlist. It was his favorite thing by now and the brunette could tell by the last time he had played it for him.

So Satori leaned back on the couch against the hand keeping him down to earth. Without knowing he leaned onto his side and on the brunettes chest. His head laid there as if his neck was too weak to hold up his head. Dissociating from the world slowly, the only thing in his head was the Lo-fi music and the warmth around him. 

Wakatoshi sat there without a single movement he knew probably this was an actual sleep the redhead was getting in a long time. He could afford to just sit there for an hour or so. He fixed his eyes on the movie playing on tv but later on slowly closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the pillows. 

He was sure later on when he got home he would have to search up all about this. A mental illness, what could it be? 

______________

“ I don’t want to go! Please don’t make me leave, you have to under-

“I understand and I know that it’s better for you, Tendou it’s just a few months you’re going to be okay.” 

“A few months? Mom that’s 6 months for you! I wanted to at least see our team play in the nationals.” 

She sighed leaving the house, she was standing in the doorway waiting for Tendou to finish his talk and yes her lips trembled when she said the next thing.

“I’m gonna go sign you up, you’re going next week.” 

His shoulders suddenly slumped down and he choked on a sob when the door closed on him once again leaving him alone in the house. 

A mother, what would have done? On the way she kept thinking if this was better or not, he was just going away on a medical treatment for 6 months right? He will be all good when he comes back. 

The thing was, there was no actual treatment for schizophrenia, just medicine to keep you going or electrical shock. 

She was hoping she did the right thing. 

____________

Tendou tried to stop choking on sobs for the next 4 days. He felt his eyesight growing dim through the tears as butterflies flew through the open window of his bedroom at night. He couldn’t sleep. There were butterflies all around him but every time he tried to catch them they were gone. He started questioning reality. He was scared. Maybe he was just in a state of dreaming half asleep. But that wasn’t the case. He was sat straight and he was sure he was seeing enough of his room to prove that it wasn’t a dream. His heart clenched at the thought making his chest ache. As quietly and slowly as he could, he opened the window wider. 

He climbed out. In disbelief, he looked all around him. He felt lost. Everything felt too big for him. Like a mouse trapped in a castle. 

__________ ___________

It was 2:30 a.m, the ringing of his phone dragged him out of his sweet dreams. Slowly reaching out a hand towards his drawer he saw Tendou’s picture lightning up his phone. After the sleepover they have hung out in the same cafe almost everyday. Tendou didn’t wake up that night as he slept on the couch so Ushiwaka stayed as still as he could until he fell sleep as well. 

“Ushijima-kun, I need help.” 

The redheads terrified voice rang through the phone as Wakatoshi answered. He took a deep breath swinging the bed cover away from his body as he walked away from his bed. 

“Tendou?” 

The questioning tone in his voice very apparent as he spoke. What he heard next made his heart beat faster than it should’ve. 

“They are all around me , they keep following me, I am outside and alone and they are everywhere- i don’t know where they came from, I need you to help me- 

“Tendou? Where?” 

He asked while pulling a shirt over his head , his pants almost all the way up his knees by the time he was running out of the door of his room. He dragged them halfway up buttoning them as he stepped into his shoes. 

“The cafe, near the cafe.” 

Satori spoke with the most heartbreaking terrified tone Ushijima had ever heard. 

___________

“Tendou!” The redhead looked up. Eyes wet and red. He was holding his head as he sat on the floor next to the street lamp. 

Satori didn’t waste a time leaving his current place to run towards Wakatoshi just to bury his face in the others chest. 

“They are everywhere, you have to stop them!” Tendou cried, in between his sobs he continued in a hurried voice “you have to stop them for me , I can’t do it, I tried , they keep whispering , please just make the-

Suddenly two warm arms embraced him tighter. His thoughts cut off as he was brought back to reality. The street lamp being the only light on the empty street they were standing on.

“I might not be doing the right thing, I don’t know what you are going through Tendou, tell me how I can help.” 

He could hear the deep breaths being taken while stuffed in his chest as the redhead grabbed tight on Ushiwakas’ shirt. 

“You can’t see them can you? You can’t hear them either? They are so scary Waka.” A dark laugh made him tighten his hold around Satori. As if he wanted to squeeze the dark out of him. It would’ve been such an inconvenience to want to remove something by squeezing it out of someone. But Waka kept silent until Tendou spoke once again. 

“Distract me, I can’t have them show themselves to me Like this, please make them stop!” 

His voice cracked through the sobs as he looked up into Wakatoshis’ eyes with teary eyes. And the last thing Ushijima wanted to do was disappointing him. 

When did he move? He doesn’t know, and it probably doesn’t matter because right now he had his lips pressed tightly against the other pair of lips. They were moving softly on his own as he slid his hands up into red strands of hair pulling gently. The slender body in his arms giving in just to kiss back. Both of their faces flushed red. At some point through Tendou opened his eyes to see long lashes fluttering over tan cheeks. He closed them again. 

Was this the kind of distraction he needed? 

His arms didn’t stop their movement though. So was this the right thing to do? He clenched his fists harder around the white shirt as he pulled the brunette closer to him smashing their faces harder against each other. It hurt. Their teeth clashing. Lips opening up for tongue and accidentally biting on them. At some point he could taste the blood in his mouth but that was okay. Because at this moment no sounds interrupted his thoughts. And he needed that.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are a couple of songs you can listen to while reading:
> 
> Demons-Joji  
> Once in a while-Joji   
> You suck charlie-Joji
> 
> Fasten your seatbelts your are on hell of an angsty and confusing ride.

Ushijima pulled away after what felt like hours. Tendou looked flustered. His lips were a darker shade of pink almost matching the fiery color of his hair. Wakatoshi kept his hands around the taller male securely not intending to move yet. That's when he noticed more tears gather in Satori's eyes that made him feel like he did something wrong. Before he could open his mouth to let out a word the redhead cut him off with a deep gaze into his eyes.

"Thank you"

His eyes widened as he focused his eyes on Tendou. He was smiling, it gave Wakatoshi probably the most heart warming feeling that he hadn't felt in so long. He could not complain since maybe this was what he was looking for. was it though?

He circled an arm around the boy and guided him towards a bench. As they sat Tendou let his head drop onto the brunettes shoulder in relaxation. He wondered if the voices had stopped. Indeed, he could not hear or see them but something told him that he managed to calm him down because right now Tendou looked like his usual self.

His hands were up in the air creating shapes with his fingers as he looked through them into the sky. His boney fingers a lot thinner now than Wakatoshi could remember. He realized his own breath was caught in his lungs since they have kissed. His shoulders dropped as he finally sighed. Becoming aware of his surrounding and his own body he moved his fingers in realization that his hand was still encircling the boy's waist.

"Is this okay?"

He felt Tendou nod on his shoulder and slowly slump down until his head was laying on Ushijima's lap. Everything was okay. Tendou had already confirmed it. The streets were empty and it had a whole different impact than when it was crowded. It was more beautiful from when it was crowded with people that he didn't know.

The streetlamps were illuminating the dark corners of the street. One of which lightning up their bench. There were no words being exchanged about the situation. Everything was fine and there was nothing to talk about. Except Wakatoshi had so many things in his head that he wanted to speak up about. So many questions to be specific. But it was nice to just sit there and let feelings take over because he did not want to be insensitive about anything going on at the moment. It would've been such a waste to get rid of a moment like this to replace it with unnecessary questions.

Tendous limbs were now stretched loosely hanging down the bench. Wakatoshi couldn't help but to bury his fingers into the soft red strands spread in his lap. They were indeed soft. Satori's face looked so relaxed as he closed his eyes and focused on the way the digits moved in his hair.

"They haunt me all the time Ushijima-kun, I feel like I'm being watched all the time but if they are truly there then why do I feel so alone again?"

His hands stilled as he searched for his own answer in Tendous expression but there was none. The truth was, he felt alone himself and he didn't exactly know what the cure was but one thing he knew, even though it wasn't a hopeful fact he said it anyway.

"You know, most of the time you are being watched by many but what matters is to see the presence next to you."

He muttered his thoughts and continued running his hands in Satori's hair. Waiting for some kind of response to break the silence once again.

"Like- how?"

His thoughts occupied his mind once again to bring out a logical response out of him.

"Like a hand on your shoulder or someone specific that you care about a lot."

At that Tendou left his place on the brunettes lap to stand up and stretch his hands towards the sky. He yawned and turned towards Wakatoshi once again and kept eye contact as he spoke.

"Let's go back home."

It was a simple word of goodbye. He felt himself nod as he got up to leave. But before he did Tendou's gaze stopped him. He turned around again to look at him. His heart clenched at the sight when the redhead walked towards him with hesitant steps to place a chaste kiss against his lips.

"I hope this is okay as well." 

He muttered under his breath. Ushijima couldn't help but pull him in by his hand again and let their lips clash against each other. It was definitely okay. He let his thoughts slip away. The redhead knew he had found a temporary cure for his hallucinations and that was the great distraction that Wakatoshi gave him. He wanted to know though, If this feeling was real.

________________ ____________________

"Where were you?" 

When he got back home it was almost 5:30 AM. His mom sat in the kitchen with a tired but somewhat scared look on her face as he closed the door behind him. She tried so hard to sound mad while asking the question but after all, she was just a mother that couldn't stop worrying about her son. Tendou walked towards the chair next to her and dropped his heavy body down onto it. The look on her son's face could answer her questions. She does not think Tendou did anything that she didn't like. A hundred scenes made up in her head after seeing Tendou gone from his bedroom. She was glad that maybe none of those were true. 

"Just out, couldn't sleep." 

The features on his mom's face softened and she moved to cradle her son in her arms. She had probably been worrying too much. 

"I met someone and we talked a little." 

She was definitely curious as to who he saw in the middle of the night on the empty streets. Of course, probably a hallucination of some sort. But that wasn't the case. 

"I called Wakatoshi-kun because I felt like I was being followed." 

The silence poured in between every bit of sentence Tendou said. His mom knew Ushijima too well. Probably her favorite teammate of Tendou's. She had seen him play and she had talked to him. Wakatoshi surprisingly socialized well specifically with her. He never talked to teammates let alone their parents. But when Satori's mom came in and pulled Tendou and Ushijima in a heartwarming hug after they have won a game felt like a motherly love pouring through doesn't matter who the person was.

"He knew exactly how to calm me down" 

A gentle smile made it's way through on his mother's face. She would be lying if she said she wasn't emotional. She knew and trusted the boy so she was pretty sure Tendou was in safe hands the whole night he was out. 

"That's good, I'm glad you are okay Tendou but please don't do that ever again." 

He nodded slowly and left his place in his mother's arms to walk back to his room. He closed the door behind him thinking of the way he had spent the night. He definitely had no regrets. His mind was too occupied with thoughts to make up hallucinations. 

That night he fell asleep like a newborn imagining Ushiwaka's fingers sliding into his hair gently caressing him back to sleep. 

______________ _____________

"And what did it turn out to be?" 

The brunette asked while leaning forward on the table to listen to what Tendou had to say more carefully. Tendou's red hair was all over the olace that night. His eyes had really dark circles surrounding them. He couldn't lie, he was very concerned about his health. And every time he saw the redhead he had to fight the tempation of pulling him close into his arms for a nap. 

"It turned out to be just a regular nosebleed. Can you believe that? All of that for literally just a small matter."

Tendou kept going on and on about his childhood memories and Wakatoshi listened. It was fine. It was just okay to sit right here and look at him talk. The way he tried to concentrate on him and not the hallucinations. The way his lips moved when he talked or how he ran a hand through his hair tenderly swiping the strands away from his face as he continued talking. 

It was slowly fading away. Memories giving their place to another. Like a flash of Wakatoshis life before dying. Except he wasn't dying. He was losing something oh so important to him. He felt tired, his eyes slowly shutting. Tendou kept on talking. He could hear him but it was so far almost as if a voice was coming from the back of his head. 

"Ushijima-kun would you kiss me again?" 

The voice and the words kept playing like a loop on his head. Except he knew Tendou was not here with him anymore. Next thing he knew he was running. He was running faster than he had in any other dream. Or was it a dream. He was pretty sure one of those days Tendou had stopped texting him back. He was stressed and afraid as he ran to his house. 

The sound of his own knocks on the door threatened to wake him up. He would've given anything to wake up. But no this was the unfortunate reality. 

"Tendou is gone." 

The voice echoed in his head when the door opened. He heard himself talking.

"I need to see Tendou." 

Almost as if it was a whisper. He watched himself at Satori's doorstep trying to explain. He wanted to make himself stop attaching more. He wanted to shout but he was just a statue in that dream. Actually what he was watching was the reality and he was the dream of the dreamer trying to figure out the voices talking. What were they saying? 

"Tendou is gone." 

Where is Tendou? Gone? where? The voces kept one echoing through one ear to another. He was breathung heavily next time he opened his eyes. Tendou was infront of him with red lips as he surged forward again. The kiss was harsh and painful. Teeth biting into his tongue, hands gripping his forearms. 

"Wakatoshi-kun, will you kiss me again?" 

Next thing he knew Tendou was sitting in the back of a white van. He looked sad. Tear stained cheeks with his head pressed against the window of the vehicle. His own hands were knocking trying to get the attention of the redhead. He could hear himself mumbling. None of which did he pick up on. Tendou never looked his way until the van drove away. His mumbles getting louder in his ear and that was when he realized he was shouting. 

"I will kiss you again, Tendou,"

"please don't go"

"Please just don't go." 

His criers making him feel the pain of loneliness again. He tried . He tried his hardest to stop him. In reality he was not there when Tendou left, maybe that was why Tendou couldn't hear him. 

He felt himself drifting into a deep sleep only to wake up in another. The light was too bright shining through his white curtains. He missed Tendou, He missed the cafe, He missed their time together. That was obvious. No matter how much he tried to deny. 

He got up from the bed, from the long, confusing dream after a long day. He walked towards the kitchen grabbing his father's medicine and walked back towards his father's bedroom. He was wide awake sitting in his bed reading a book.

"Mornin'" 

He nodded his head and dropped the pills on the bedside table and poured water from the porch into the glass sitting there. He then pulled up the curtains making the room brighter than it already was and then opened the windows for fresh air. 

"Sleep well?" 

His father asked putting the book in his hand away as he sat up. He shook his head a little and sat o the bed next to him. 

"Is this about the Satori boy?" 

He looked up with wide eyes to look at his dad. He opened his mouth to mumble out a response just to be cut off by his dad. 

"You don't have to explain, You always talked about him like he was the best thing that had ever happened to you. What happened?" 

Ushijima knew his dad was serious about this. He was asking him what caused him to stop talking about him. Of course he was not a fool. He had already noticed how low his son was feeling for the last couple days. 

"He left." He looked up to see if his answer was enough to feed his old man's curiosity. But then saw him waiting to continue. So he sighed and started speaking again. 

"He left the city to go to a mental hospital to get healed. He was,

He cleared his throat and then said the word after what felt like a really long silence in between.

"He was schizophrenic, He needed to get help and , yeah he left." 

"I wonder how he is..." 

___________ __________

Tendou slowly crawled out from under the blankets. He was afraid of the man sitting next to his bed but then when he looked up, He saw Wakatoshi leaning on the wall next to his window. He smiled. He got up from his bed and walked towards the man. He leaned into the warm touch and let himself drown away. What anyone might have seen from another room was a redheaded boy slowly leaning into a wall as he cried. 

In his head Wakatoshi wrapped both arms around him. He looked up into the eyes he longed to see for so sometime already. And then he realized that the brunette had probably been there all along next to him, making him feel not so alone after all. 

"I am not alone anymore Ushijima-kun, I can see them." 

He claimed with a smile as tears streamed down his face after the illusion of the brunette slowly faded away into a memory in the back of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading. Kudos are very much appreciated. Please leave a comment on what you thought about the ending.   
> Stay safe,   
> stay healthy,Em.


End file.
